Osmond8 Posted September 27, 2013 Report Share Posted September 27, 2013 Hi all, So....basically, we are due move to Perth within the next few months, myself, husband, 16yr old daughter and 6yr old twins..... My daughter was on board with the move UNTIL.....THE BOYFRIEND HAPPENED!!!!! The last two weeks in our household has been hell on earth! She is really digging her heels in and is adamant that she is not coming with us. There was an option of her staying behind and going to live with her dad, however he plans to move to Suffolk (from near Heathrow) and she doesn't want to move there either!....as i said, she is being impossible and there is absolutely no reasoning with her... I've said that she will have to come with us until she is 18 and then she can basically go where she likes as she will then be an adult! And this is all because she doesn't want to leave her boyfriend... They have only been together 5months!!!!! Has anyone else been in a similar situation?... Any advice will be welcomed Amy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bobopaulsy Posted September 27, 2013 Report Share Posted September 27, 2013 My 14 year old daughter had a few wobbles at the start of our process and just recently we were in the position where she had to get her dad to sign the required documents, he was being a wee bit awkward and we basically said to her she needs to talk to her dad and grow up and bit....Talk to him about signing the documents ...or you are not coming....Harsh but did have the desired effect.... I know it's a bit different but have you maybe said to her look You can stay with your dad and move to Suffolk or you can come with us....set a deadline date and ask for a decision...we were prepared for our daughter to stay with her dad even though it would have been heart breaking we did play the tough love card !!!! i do hope you get it sorted and will wait to see how you get on.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ali Posted September 27, 2013 Report Share Posted September 27, 2013 I feel for you - I think i'd probably ask her to write down for you how she is going to live, support herself etc. If I was really off on one (as I could be), I'd probably find the grottiest rental that my daughter would be able to afford and say - what do you think. I know my daughter even at 18 now, really has no idea how good she has it (although she is starting to see that). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chook Posted September 27, 2013 Report Share Posted September 27, 2013 Perhaps you need to offer her a firm compromise ('firm' as in 'this is the way it's going to be'). Tell her that you will buy her a return ticket and she will be coming to Australia with you to activate her visa. She can return after a month (or whatever time you deem appropriate) and she then has 5 years to make up her mind. In the mean time, she will have to live with her father. Right now, at 16 and with a boyfriend, she is feeling all grown up. As soon as the situation changes, she will be a little girl again and wanting her family. Or in 2 years time he will be getting himself a Working Holiday Visa and coming out to Australia with her!! Not what you anticipate at the end of the visa process but it will work out, don't worry. Best of luck to you all. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Coco67 Posted September 27, 2013 Report Share Posted September 27, 2013 Hi Amy, Really feel for you we are in same situation with a 16 year old daughter but we told her from day 1 when we decided on emigrating to Oz June 2012 that if she got involved with someone we would still be moving to Oz and now she has a "Friend" who is a boy but is still on board about moving, she too did have a wobble when we came back from our reccie as I think it was not as lively in Perth as she thought it would be. But I did say if you dont want to move with us you will have to go to your grandparents in Wales and that did the trick!! Just tell her she has to come out to validate her visa if she really, really does not settle then you will sort something out for her. I have another friend who is also having issues with her 18 year old son, he now too does not want to go!! PM me for more details. Hope this helps xx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fifi69 Posted September 27, 2013 Report Share Posted September 27, 2013 We were in the same situation last year with our 16yo daughter, oh boy do I feel for you!! although she had a boyfriend he wasnt the only issue, really really good lovely friends that she had been with since primary school, a college course that she had been accepted for and was looking forward too, an good social life etc etc. She said she wasn't coming, we asked what she would live on? We said she could stay with one of her grannies knowing that she wouldn't. In the end she said she would come but not to expect her to join in with anything or go to school or college in Perth and that she was going back when she was 18. i did what you have done and posted on here before coming about the issue. Had conversations with another member who was already here but whose 16yo daughter wasnt settling. We arranged to meet up when we got here which we did so that was one young person she knew. I knew getting her settled was priority so Didnt force the school issue but instead helped her find a job, I realise this isn't for everybody but we knew it would work for her. The job was a v well paid one for her age, $22 an hour. She had never had her own money before so was like a kid in a candy shop.it also helped her make more friends. We also let her decide our social life, eg what we would do at weekends, got her involved with outdoor hobbies etc. the outcome has been she now has a different job closer to home, has a decent amount of friends, a zillion clothes and shoes. She went back to the UK on her own for a months holiday in May all paid for by herself. Is going to Bali with friends next month for her 18th has lots of concerts and festivals booked and plans to do a bit of travelling in Oz next year. all in all not a bad result......but at the same time I reckon if we turned round to her tomorrow and said we were going back she would be pretty happy about it....so 50/50 maybe!! The original friend she had never did settle and her and her family went back to the UK earlier this year. Another 17yo that came out with her family only lasted 6 weeks before heading back so its def not an easy age to move over and sometimes there just isn't anything we parents can do to make them stay. All I can say is good luck to you all and hope you find a solution xx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Levi Posted September 27, 2013 Report Share Posted September 27, 2013 Amy mark my words: When are 16 year olds not impossible ? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest10912 Posted September 27, 2013 Report Share Posted September 27, 2013 Hi all, So....basically, we are due move to Perth within the next few months, myself, husband, 16yr old daughter and 6yr old twins..... My daughter was on board with the move UNTIL.....THE BOYFRIEND HAPPENED!!!!! The last two weeks in our household has been hell on earth! She is really digging her heels in and is adamant that she is not coming with us. There was an option of her staying behind and going to live with her dad, however he plans to move to Suffolk (from near Heathrow) and she doesn't want to move there either!....as i said, she is being impossible and there is absolutely no reasoning with her... I've said that she will have to come with us until she is 18 and then she can basically go where she likes as she will then be an adult! And this is all because she doesn't want to leave her boyfriend... They have only been together 5months!!!!! Has anyone else been in a similar situation?... Any advice will be welcomed Amy Whatever you do, make sure she validates that visa. I don't think you can tell a 16 year old where to live, you can leave home at 16, I am pretty sure my sister went at 17. So let her go, tell her to come for a holiday and then she can come back to UK and get on with her life and you will help her to get set up, with Dad or whatever. I would be very rich if I had a pound for every stroppy teenager that refused to even go to Australia and then two years later changed their mind only to be stuck and no longer eligible to go on the parents visa. I suspect she will change her mind too, but don't go into a battle of wills about it, because then she will hold out just to "win". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest9824 Posted September 28, 2013 Report Share Posted September 28, 2013 Hi all, So....basically, we are due move to Perth within the next few months, myself, husband, 16yr old daughter and 6yr old twins..... My daughter was on board with the move UNTIL.....THE BOYFRIEND HAPPENED!!!!! The last two weeks in our household has been hell on earth! She is really digging her heels in and is adamant that she is not coming with us. There was an option of her staying behind and going to live with her dad, however he plans to move to Suffolk (from near Heathrow) and she doesn't want to move there either!....as i said, she is being impossible and there is absolutely no reasoning with her... I've said that she will have to come with us until she is 18 and then she can basically go where she likes as she will then be an adult! And this is all because she doesn't want to leave her boyfriend... They have only been together 5months!!!!! Has anyone else been in a similar situation?... Any advice will be welcomed Amy Wow Amy that is a toughy....can't imagine how you must feel. I sort of did the same thing to my parents but I was 20. I know it wasn't easy for them, or me, but I can guarantee you if I had come with them leaving my boyfriend ( who is now my husband of 24 years) I probably would have lasted a few weeks and would have been back to the UK probably completely messing up their lives in the process. I was a lot older than your daughter, so I totally sympathise with you. I think Ali's suggestion is a good one, I certainly didn't realise how good I had it at home until my parents left the uk and I had to survive on my own more or less. I wish you lots of luck. It's hard being parents x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
alana rose Posted September 28, 2013 Report Share Posted September 28, 2013 Hi, my just turned 17 year old daughter is coming on Tuesday & we've had the same issues with her (no boyfriend tho). When we let our house out, we just let her go....which has been really hard. She had been yo yo-ing between peoples places to stay. Living with "friends" that party all the time (you know the lifestyle i'm talking about, the kind that 17 year olds think they want), anyway, we told her we couldn't force her to come and if she was happy to support herself & live with other people then we weren't going to fall out with her over it. My son & I have been here a month and when we left she still was undecided wether she was coming or not, however my husband is coming on Tuesday & my daughter decided 2 weeks ago that she was coming with him. If we forced her to come she'd be wanting to go home and make all our lives miserable but this way it's her choice. It has probably been the hardest thing we've done, it was a case of tough love, hopefully tho she'll realise that at 17 is better off with her family. I hope it goes well for you, its a difficult age. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest10912 Posted September 28, 2013 Report Share Posted September 28, 2013 Hi, my just turned 17 year old daughter is coming on Tuesday & we've had the same issues with her (no boyfriend tho). When we let our house out, we just let her go....which has been really hard. She had been yo yo-ing between peoples places to stay. Living with "friends" that party all the time (you know the lifestyle i'm talking about, the kind that 17 year olds think they want), anyway, we told her we couldn't force her to come and if she was happy to support herself & live with other people then we weren't going to fall out with her over it. My son & I have been here a month and when we left she still was undecided wether she was coming or not, however my husband is coming on Tuesday & my daughter decided 2 weeks ago that she was coming with him. If we forced her to come she'd be wanting to go home and make all our lives miserable but this way it's her choice. It has probably been the hardest thing we've done, it was a case of tough love, hopefully tho she'll realise that at 17 is better off with her family. I hope it goes well for you, its a difficult age. That was exactly my theory in post #8. It is good to see a working example. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
alana rose Posted September 29, 2013 Report Share Posted September 29, 2013 That was exactly my theory in post #8. It is good to see a working example. It wasn't an easy thing to do Rupert, you just have to keep reminding yourself why you are doing it Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Osmond8 Posted September 29, 2013 Author Report Share Posted September 29, 2013 Thank you, thank you , thank you!.... It is so reassuring listening to all your posts!... Over the last few weeks i have felt like our family is slowly falling apart (partly to do with the fact that we have had to re-home the cat too ) but, i have thought about it and i have decided that we will leave her behind to live with her dad!..... I will just hope and pray that she will find her own way there.... I have told her that as part of the 'deal' she will have to come out for a month to validate her visa and she has accepted that!.... Boy, this was not what i was expecting to happen 18 months ago when we first applied for our visas! Like you have said alana rose.... I do keep reminding myself of why we are doing this....that's what is keeping me going at the moment!!! Thanks again each and every one of you Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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