Is it me???

[linda@no9]

Arrived Aug 2012. Made a great mate via PP, she's amazing so thanks to the forum for that!

Other than that, as a family of 4 (now 5 with DD's boyfriend) we dont look to socialize. We really enjoy our own company. Dont get me wrong, there are the kids school ladies nights I go out on occasionally and of course my job has brought a great team of friends who I often lunch with when organizing shoots etc, but in general we are happy as a family of 5. I always see folk having get together s here which is great, but am I wierd?

Edited February 23, 2014 by linda@no9

[portlaunay]

I may not necessarily be the best person to ask as Mrs p is always telling me I'm an antisocial bugger which I think is a little unfair.

I discovered I really enjoy my own company a long time ago and sometimes the thought of going to a party fills me with dread.

Whenever we do anything, like snorkelling today, the first thing we both think is, who shall we invite? I think that's because this place is so amazing we want to share those experiences with others.

I suppose that's why I start threads in the 'Expats in Perth' area inviting people to certain events or encouraging them to go to something new but clearly from the lack of responses I don't have a great deal in common with a lot of people on here.

 

I don't think you're weird but then why judge yourself upon what others think of you, do whatever makes you happy.

[Guest guest9824]

I don't go out of my way to go to meet ups etc, I have in the past been niave enough to try to offer a helping hand to some who seem to be struggling, only to find it's not reciprocated. So I am now choosy with whom I wish to socialise with. My family come first, forums are not important to meet people although I understand why some do use it as a starting point. I came back on to this one to try to offer some support because I felt st the time I had a connection with someone, silly me! I too have made some great friends, a special bond has been made with one particular person, too long in the tooth to care what anyone thinks. Time to continue to en joy this amazing life we all seem to have here me thinks!

[ali]

We have a group of friends that we do things with ... but like you really enjoy our own company and enjoy the times that we don't have anywhere to go ... I think it's that time of life for us lol

[portlaunay]

I don't go out of my way to go to meet ups etc, I have in the past been niave enough to try to offer a helping hand to some who seem to be struggling, only to find it's not reciprocated. So I am now choosy with whom I wish to socialise with. My family come first, forums are not important to meet people although I understand why some do use it as a starting point. I came back on to this one to try to offer some support because I felt st the time I had a connection with someone, silly me! I too have made some great friends, a special bond has been made with one particular person, too long in the tooth to care what anyone thinks. Time to continue to en joy this amazing life we all seem to have here me thinks!

 

It is amazing how some people feel it perfectly acceptable to take advantage of others and then run at the first hint of reciprocation. I hate taking from others but I'm overwhelmed when it's offered. I love helping people out but perhaps similarly to you I'm cautious because I don't like the feelings I have when people take advantage of me.

The flip side of this is that I have become a fairly good judge of character and I'm pretty sure you're rather:laugh: a little bit and in equal measure and sometimes mixed with a pinch of

[Lou8670]

I seem to know lots of people but only have a handful of good friends. It used to worry me that I wasn't popular especially when I see some of the people I know being invited round/out all of the time.

 

But as I've got older I've realised that it's ok to have lots of acquaintances and only a dozen or so really good friends, most of which are scattered across the UK / world. Because they really do care about me wherever I am and it's them that really matter.

 

I see acquaintances flit from friend to friend and I know that their 'friends' will drop them like a stone if it's no longer acceptable to be seen out with them. In fact I think it's pretty bad here for people wanting to be seen out with the 'right' people and feeling they need to keep up with the Jones; it's one of my reasons for moving down under! :embarrassed:

 

Lou

Edited February 23, 2014 by Lou8670

[Akasully2]

Pea, that last post from you sounds so unlike you. I felt shocked and saddened reading that, then I wondered who you thought you had a friend in, then didn't. You seem like such a warm generous person from what I have read, that I surprised that anyone would not want to reciprocate. That's sad.

[elfie]

Pea, that last post from you sounds so unlike you. I felt shocked and saddened reading that, then I wondered who you thought you had a friend in, then didn't. You seem like such a warm generous person from what I have read, that I surprised that anyone would not want to reciprocate. That's sad.

 

 

She is

 

I admit for me it was a struggle still is in some ways. Met a few people off here think I really only keep in touch with one we get together every month more if it wasnt for work commitments, others live to far away and timing also an issue and basically people dont just click or just dont like each other that much. Didnt have a huge circle of friends back home but they were "real" friends. Feel here on times is very superficial. Just going to stick with the 4 legged folk from now on its easier.

Edited February 23, 2014 by elfie

[SJT]

We feel exactly the same, happy with just the five of us, and then the occasional social event with close friends. I am too a firm believer of having a few great friends rather than lots and lots of acquaintances. I too got burnt a few years ago by what I thought were very good friends so I was always offering to do the driving on nights out, pick up their kids from school etc, it was only when I got really ill and for a few months could not do any of these things and none of my so called friends popped round even for a coffee, that I realised I had been used and it took a long time to get over the hurt, so I'm very very careful who I let into my life now.

 

Pea I've liked your comment, but obviously don't like what you went through. This site is great for advice, a bit of debate and sometimes a laugh. I too have made one very good friend from here and I hope that continues long after the novelty of living here has worn off and hopefully there are a few developing friendships coming along too, but only time will tell.

 

Linda@no9, maybe you are like me, when we do go out you seem to see lots of bigger parties meeting up in the parks and on the beaches, and even though they seem fun, they are not for us. So no I don't think you are weird, just a normal family person.

[ali]

I guess the other thing is with the best intentions, sometimes life just passes you by doing the every day stuff and those catch ups become less frequent. Sometimes, it does take a bit of effort, we realised when meeting our friends on Saturday that we'd not got together since October - holidays, Xmas etc., had all got in the way.

[linda@no9]

I think a lot of it stems from being burnt myself. I see folk chatting at school, Scottish, American, Geordies and think what a huge mix of people with not a lot in common but all seem to be making friendships in people they wouldn't normally choose because of the one common denominator, being here.

im very cautious of my circle, don't get me wrong I chat to folk at school and do meet up with my mate I met through here for a coffee. I'm lucky we do have a lot in common. Maybe it is my age. Done the partying, social gatherings etc. just cocoa and early nights now lol.

 

peanut, yes we were going to get together weren't we. I lost my emails when I switched from UK to oz server with the business so do fire over an email if you'd still like to set up fir that coffee x

Edited February 24, 2014 by linda@no9

[Akasully2]

This thread has played on my mind today. I have trying to think why it has left me with an uneasy feeling. I have been mulling it over and came to sort of a conclusion. I guess for me it has been like seeing a jam jar full of shaken water with something mixed in it. It clouded the water and I couldn't see what I was looking at. I had to let it settle, for the water to be clear. Only now can I tell what was troubling me.

 

The thread bothered me because what I took to be genuine friendly 'friendships' all be it in cyber space, may be seen with scepticism and as disingenuous by others. Don't get me wrong, I don't believe that everyone I chat to will end up being my best buddy that I hang out with regularly, but I do think it is a genuine connection with someone who has shared experiences. Through offering a kind word, a humorous witty response, connections are formed. These connection can only go so deep because I think you need to see the whites of people's eyes and facial expressions. However, I think to say that people on here are superficial made me question if everything I believe to be sincere was nonsense. That left me feeling unsettled. I don't think that is true, well, for me at least.

 

(I need to go and get the dinner up but I don't want to stop here. I'll post this and add to it shortly. Not like word processing, can't save it and post it later. If I leave it, I'll lose it. Back soon).

 

I'm back. I will continue...

 

The next part that got me thinking was, what type of friendships I have in the real world? I questioned whether my real physical friendships bare any similarities to the cyber ones. Was my cyber personality any different to my face to face one? Was this superficial as one person called it?

 

My conclusion was so that I am exactly the same on here, as I am in real life. Very down to earth, what you see is what you get. Friendly and genuine. Always up for a chin wag and laughter. In the play ground I can walk up to many groups of people, say hi have a chat, share a joke and then move on. I am not in a clique. I do not feel the need to huddle together with the same people day in day out in some co-dependency thing. I have often watched the people who do that and wondered how they got such a large group of friends that do so much together. Nights out, swapping child minding, couples out for dinner together, etc. I just never get into that. Sometimes I wonder if it is insecurity that makes people cling to each other. I have lots of acquaintances but not huge groups of close friends. I don't feel the need. One playground friend described me as aloof. I took that to mean distant and cold. She said no, it was just that I swanned over, chatted then swanned off again, never really putting down deep roots. Probably something to do with having to rush off to work and not being part of the 'coffee morning clique'.

 

I have a few very close friends and a larger group of 'couple friends' but we have known them for 20-30 years (OH went to school with them). These deep friendships still had to come from something. Small acorns and all that. They just take time.

 

Even so, I am very happy in my own company/ just us, as a family. I don't need to hook up with people. My OH and I have concluded that married couples that always go on holiday with other families/couples, do so because they have nothing to say to each other when alone. Did that once, it was a disaster, never again!

 

So what a I trying to say? Not really sure. Maybe that I would like to think that people are genuine on here. That if a group meet up was planned in Oz I would approach it with an openness and hope that small acorns may turn into a mighty oak, given time. That people give and take and not just take. That if one day I stand I an Oz playground and chat to an American, a Scot and a Geordie I may not be chatting to them just because we have a tenuous link in common but the fact that I think they are funny and warm and a friendship could start there. Who knows?

 

I hope I haven't bored the pants off you. Just had to do a bit of soul searching.

Edited February 24, 2014 by Akasully2
2nd installment

[Tracey T]

I agree Lou it's quality not quantity :-)

[JenPen]

The people I have spoken to on here all seem lovely and I have been part of forums in the past before they got big and different but in that forum i met many friends and still stay in touch with a lot of them and one of them is now my best friend and was a bridesmaid, so for me I am real on here and I definitely hope to make friends with some of you but know that not everyone will like me, thats human nature. I too have been burned one too many times and may hold back, but often don't and end up getting burnt again.

 

However, back to the OP comment - you are not weird at all, I think you should be happy in your own family unit and would question anyone that wasn't. I, however, enjoy the company and socialising of others it spices up my life and I think it gives you a varied subject bank of discussions to partake in and widens ones experiences imo and I enjoy that, but that might be the midwife in me, able to chat to whoever whenever about whatever

Edited February 24, 2014 by JenPen

[portlaunay]

This isn't the only forum I frequent but it is probably the one with the most genuine members. Using the pub analogy, if this is the friendly local then occasionally you get someone from out of town who drops in, 'giving it large' as one might say, simply because they've no intention of staying around, building relationships and running the risk of needing to evidence their claims. There may be one or two 'story tellers' who sit at the bar and wax lyrical all night long with magnificent yarns but mostly, because of it's location, many a traveller will stop by, buy a pint and start the conversation with "We're on our way to…." They get a friendly reception, most want to help out, one or two warn them off but not in a "Keep off the moors, stick to the roads." kind of way.

The thing is, this is just the internet and this 'virtual' community is just that. Virtual friends might one day turn into real friends but I won't feel bad if it doesn't happen, it simply wasn't meant to be.

[elfie]

This isn't the only forum I frequent but it is probably the one with the most genuine members. Using the pub analogy, if this is the friendly local then occasionally you get someone from out of town who drops in, 'giving it large' as one might say, simply because they've no intention of staying around, building relationships and running the risk of needing to evidence their claims. There may be one or two 'story tellers' who sit at the bar and wax lyrical all night long with magnificent yarns but mostly, because of it's location, many a traveller will stop by, buy a pint and start the conversation with "We're on our way to…." They get a friendly reception, most want to help out, one or two warn them off but not in a "Keep off the moors, stick to the roads." kind of way.

The thing is, this is just the internet and this 'virtual' community is just that. Virtual friends might one day turn into real friends but I won't feel bad if it doesn't happen, it simply wasn't meant to be.

 

 

You mean this isn't real oh my god I thought it was I am de vasted - please read as de vasted - a pronunciation from my days on an acute mental health ward :: memories: - not as a patient although ...... hehehe:laugh:

[Peata Whyted]

This isn't the only forum I frequent but it is probably the one with the most genuine members. Using the pub analogy, if this is the friendly local then occasionally you get someone from out of town who drops in, 'giving it large' as one might say, simply because they've no intention of staying around, building relationships and running the risk of needing to evidence their claims. There may be one or two 'story tellers' who sit at the bar and wax lyrical all night long with magnificent yarns but mostly, because of it's location, many a traveller will stop by, buy a pint and start the conversation with "We're on our way to…." They get a friendly reception, most want to help out, one or two warn them off but not in a "Keep off the moors, stick to the roads." kind of way.

The thing is, this is just the internet and this 'virtual' community is just that. Virtual friends might one day turn into real friends but I won't feel bad if it doesn't happen, it simply wasn't meant to be.

 

Great post Porty, compared to PIO, this place is the 'snug' of said pub!

 

I have only been a member for 2 months, but you get to see who the regulars are and who is just dropping in for a quick half. I intend to stick around to help clueless people like myself once we arrive in a month or so

[Sideshowdeb]

Great post Porty, compared to PIO, this place is the 'snug' of said pub!

 

I have only been a member for 2 months, but you get to see who the regulars are and who is just dropping in for a quick half. I intend to stick around to help clueless people like myself once we arrive in a month or so

 

Sticking with the pub analogy, PIO reminds me of a pub I went to in Kings Lynn. Literally every head turned to us, and the place fell silent when we opened the door. Conversation began again in whispers once we got our drinks and sat down :-)

[Bridges]

I have read this thread but still don't feel disheartened about what may lie ahead. Yes pp is a good way to try and make friends or arrange meet ups in a new country with people you feel you've made a connection with. When the reality meeting happens, if you don't "click" then it wasnt meant to be and if you do, great. I don't think friendship is something that can be forced, it just happens. And i hope people on here aren't intentionally fake.

 

I too only have a small amount of close friends, each of which has another circle of friends so we don't all mingle as one group, but that's just how my friendships have formed and i have had them for years. I don't see them daily or even monthly sometimes but they are there when i need them. In the UK i don't feel like i need any new friends but feel i need to make an effort (not be fake) to try and make acquaintances that may become friends on pp as moving to a new country is scary so making arrangements to meet for coffee is comforting and if it amounts to friendship great. I must admit that due not not"needing" new friends in the UK i am a little scared i may have forgotten how to make friends! But i will cross that bridge when i come to it. This is the first forum i have used and i have found it lovely. I find writing on here quite easy, but you have time to read over what you've written, you can't edit your talking, and i know i can still be a little shy although Im working on it!

 

Going back to the original post my OH is not a massive socialiser and i prefer small groups of friends rather then big parties and to be honest we spend most of our time as just the 3 of us or on our own as OH with his friends and/or me with mine as we haven't made loads of "couple" friends. These dynamics may change through circumstance when we move as we will both need to meet new friends but how we decide to spend our time, be it with each other, on our own or with friends is done so as it makes us happy and therefore (IMO) not weird!

[Akasully2]

Bridges, I'm sure you'll be fine. I agree friendship can't be forced, if you click you click but you have to make contact for that process to happen. Totally agree. Bit like dating I suppose. If I had to do that now I wouldn't know where to start, thankfully no need for that one!

[travelchic]

This thread has played on my mind today. I have trying to think why it has left me with an uneasy feeling. I have been mulling it over and came to sort of a conclusion. I guess for me it has been like seeing a jam jar full of shaken water with something mixed in it. It clouded the water and I couldn't see what I was looking at. I had to let it settle, for the water to be clear. Only now can I tell what was troubling me.

 

The thread bothered me because what I took to be genuine friendly 'friendships' all be it in cyber space, may be seen with scepticism and as disingenuous by others. Don't get me wrong, I don't believe that everyone I chat to will end up being my best buddy that I hang out with regularly, but I do think it is a genuine connection with someone who has shared experiences. Through offering a kind word, a humorous witty response, connections are formed. These connection can only go so deep because I think you need to see the whites of people's eyes and facial expressions. However, I think to say that people on here are superficial made me question if everything I believe to be sincere was nonsense. That left me feeling unsettled. I don't think that is true, well, for me at least.

 

(I need to go and get the dinner up but I don't want to stop here. I'll post this and add to it shortly. Not like word processing, can't save it and post it later. If I leave it, I'll lose it. Back soon).

 

I'm back. I will continue...

 

The next part that got me thinking was, what type of friendships I have in the real world? I questioned whether my real physical friendships bare any similarities to the cyber ones. Was my cyber personality any different to my face to face one? Was this superficial as one person called it?

 

My conclusion was so that I am exactly the same on here, as I am in real life. Very down to earth, what you see is what you get. Friendly and genuine. Always up for a chin wag and laughter. In the play ground I can walk up to many groups of people, say hi have a chat, share a joke and then move on. I am not in a clique. I do not feel the need to huddle together with the same people day in day out in some co-dependency thing. I have often watched the people who do that and wondered how they got such a large group of friends that do so much together. Nights out, swapping child minding, couples out for dinner together, etc. I just never get into that. Sometimes I wonder if it is insecurity that makes people cling to each other. I have lots of acquaintances but not huge groups of close friends. I don't feel the need. One playground friend described me as aloof. I took that to mean distant and cold. She said no, it was just that I swanned over, chatted then swanned off again, never really putting down deep roots. Probably something to do with having to rush off to work and not being part of the 'coffee morning clique'.

 

I have a few very close friends and a larger group of 'couple friends' but we have known them for 20-30 years (OH went to school with them). These deep friendships still had to come from something. Small acorns and all that. They just take time.

 

Even so, I am very happy in my own company/ just us, as a family. I don't need to hook up with people. My OH and I have concluded that married couples that always go on holiday with other families/couples, do so because they have nothing to say to each other when alone. Did that once, it was a disaster, never again!

 

So what a I trying to say? Not really sure. Maybe that I would like to think that people are genuine on here. That if a group meet up was planned in Oz I would approach it with an openness and hope that small acorns may turn into a mighty oak, given time. That people give and take and not just take. That if one day I stand I an Oz playground and chat to an American, a Scot and a Geordie I may not be chatting to them just because we have a tenuous link in common but the fact that I think they are funny and warm and a friendship could start there. Who knows?

 

I hope I haven't bored the pants off you. Just had to do a bit of soul searching.

 

I love that you've stopped to dish up dinner then came back with a second installment. Made me chuckle lol.

 

Debs