Osmond8 Posted February 26, 2014 Report Share Posted February 26, 2014 :arghh: Arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!! So, been here just over six weeks... My daughter, the 17yr old in question...originally didn't want to come to Oz.....then her boyfriend dumped her and she decided that she would come with us and from that point was really excited about it.... Back in the Uk she was at college, she's a bright girl but she hated every moment of it.....so we came to the mutual decision that she could leave and then start a fresh once we got here! She hasn't a clue what she wants to do in life but is now adamant that she just wants to get a job anywhere and won't even consider TAFE... I keep trying to explain to her that without any Australian qualifications, she will find it so hard to get a job with prospects here... She has made some friends already who all go to TAFE and i was hoping that this would sway her a little bit but she just keeps saying that if she has to go back to school then she will just go back to England! Nothing like a bit of emotional blackmail from a teenager!!!!....... I am desperately trying to get her out of holiday mode and up off her backside to look for something... She seems to think that applying for a couple of jobs online a week will do!... So this is probably more about me having a rant but would appreciate hearing any other views, advice etc!.... thanks in advance! Amy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Osmond8 Posted February 26, 2014 Author Report Share Posted February 26, 2014 ....maybe there's no hope?.... She is now watching Jeremy Kyle on catch-up! God give me strength!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rivera Posted February 26, 2014 Report Share Posted February 26, 2014 If the boyfriend has dumped her, then she's got nothing to go back to the UK for ?? I'm old school and believe in tough love..... No daytime TV, it rots the brain and saps motivation and self esteem. (TV doesn't come on until 6 or whatever agreed time) She can only use her computer between 08.00-09.30 to look for jobs. No idling the day away on bookface. Are there any "jobs" that can be done around the house ? - painting and decorating, gardening, weeding, pressure washing the driveway Failing that newspaper delivery, delivering pamphlets It sounds as though she's just got comfortable doing nothing. I'd tell her that the holiday is over after the long weekend and the new regime starts on Tuesday. Hopefully she will come to her own conclusion that if things are no longer going to be cushy at home, she might as well go to TAFE and be with her mates. It ain't easy I know but sometimes you've got to be really tough. All the Best Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
portlaunay Posted February 26, 2014 Report Share Posted February 26, 2014 What is that saying about leading horses to water? I'm not sure I agree with the qualifications thing, I think there's far too much emphasis placed on qualification and from a learning and development perspective, which is my area of expertise, businesses are changing in their attitudes as they begin to realise how devalued degrees have become. Sadly Australia will take sometime to catch up but why force her into education when, even if she goes, she'll likely not learn a great deal, hate the experience, leave with nothing and be in the same position as she started - confused and demotivated. Besides, we can all go back into formal education at any time of our lives if that's what we feel is right for us. Mine are not teenagers yet but I'm not looking forward to the experience. My sister was interested in one thing in her teens - being Madonna. Fortunately she married a young man who inherited his fathers millions and now she bakes so don't despair, there's still hope. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rossmoyne Posted February 26, 2014 Report Share Posted February 26, 2014 I can't add anything further to the suggestions already posted other than to say, give her a deadline by which she has to get off her holiday butt and start job hunting. I agree with Porty about the education thing, and you might find that once she has done some really menial job for a while, that she looks at education with different specs on. Does she have any hobbies that could lead to a job maybe? Is she over the boyfriend or could that still playing on her mind. If she doesn't know what she wants in a career/job, are you aware that the Department of Education have a Careers Shop front in Murray St Mall? They are above the Gloria Jeans coffee shop (up the escalator 2nd floor if I recall) - it's called the Career Advisory Centre and you can go in and chat to advisers and look at different publications etc about what is on offer, courses you need to do...... Hold those positive thoughts... all will be well! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Osmond8 Posted February 26, 2014 Author Report Share Posted February 26, 2014 Thank you for your replys!.... She is definitely over the boyfriend!!.... She still has her Dad and his family back in the Uk... So they're her ties there!... I think a trip to the place on Murray street may help... That sounds like a good plan!... Asfor pitching in around the place... We drew up a list of things for her to do on a daily basis... Also getting her to cook a coup,e of times a week!.... we'll get there, no one ever said it would be easy!.... She can have the weekend and then that's it, no more holiday mode!! Thanks again Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
realitynotincluded Posted February 26, 2014 Report Share Posted February 26, 2014 Oh dear l think you need more than strength...lol... a pair of scissors for the telly plug and disconnection of internet when looking at everything other than jobs.... l know its tough love but our answer to our 3 boys has always been.... if you choose school/tafe... there is no rent to pay. No school then start paying rent........... might need a job for that one. 2 boys got jobs ... younger one sussed us out and is staying in school lol.. ....maybe there's no hope?.... She is now watching Jeremy Kyle on catch-up! God give me strength!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
portlaunay Posted February 26, 2014 Report Share Posted February 26, 2014 Give us an idea of her interests. What does she enjoy or has in the past? What's her dream? Ask her if someone painted the picture of her life right now and showed her, would it make her happy? Make her realise she's the artist, she can paint whatever she likes. Seriously, she can paint whatever she likes! How would she like it to look? Whatever she comes up with it's important not to throw barriers up for her, she's already aware of them, that's probably why she doesn't understand the way forward. Start the journey with small steps. She wants to be a dancer, performing in perfect synchronicity with a close group of amazing artists on stage? Well how do we get there? Lets try some trad schools but lets also look at parkour, circus skills, gymnastics, all the stuff that gets her supple, lithe and strong. It's tough being a teenager but probably tougher being a parent of one and there are a lot of crap parents who write their children off because it's another challenge when we just about thought it might be over by now. Fair play to you for coming on here and asking for advice, it shows you care and I'm sure you'll help her find her element. As for chores, no offence but they're not particularly inspiring nor do they carry a great deal of responsibility. Why not give her a project - redecorating a room, building a cubby or some DIY, something with a bit of challenge? Help her to understand how not to be daunted or intimidated by it, break it down, plan it and progress at a reasonable pace? I must sound like I've got it all sorted. I've a big shock when my kids hit their teens and they turn to me and tell me to do one, don't I? Sorry, I don't mean to preach, I'm sure it's hard, just trying to help, you know? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Osmond8 Posted February 26, 2014 Author Report Share Posted February 26, 2014 Yep, have said that!.. I remond her everyday that she will need to start paying rent!... I have also started to monitor what she keeps helping herself to from the cupboards!... I know it sounds petty but am desperately trying to teach her that if she wants luxuries and treats then she'll have to work for them!..... (Oh god, that sounds like i'm treating her like a dog!!!...i'm not, honest!!!) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Osmond8 Posted February 26, 2014 Author Report Share Posted February 26, 2014 Give us an idea of her interests. What does she enjoy or has in the past?What's her dream? Ask her if someone painted the picture of her life right now and showed her, would it make her happy? Make her realise she's the artist, she can paint whatever she likes. Seriously, she can paint whatever she likes! How would she like it to look? Whatever she comes up with it's important not to throw barriers up for her, she's already aware of them, that's probably why she doesn't understand the way forward. Start the journey with small steps. She wants to be a dancer, performing in perfect synchronicity with a close group of amazing artists on stage? Well how do we get there? Lets try some trad schools but lets also look at parkour, circus skills, gymnastics, all the stuff that gets her supple, lithe and strong. It's tough being a teenager but probably tougher being a parent of one and there are a lot of crap parents who write their children off because it's another challenge when we just about thought it might be over by now. Fair play to you for coming on here and asking for advice, it shows you care and I'm sure you'll help her find her element. As for chores, no offence but they're not particularly inspiring nor do they carry a great deal of responsibility. Why not give her a project - redecorating a room, building a cubby or some DIY, something with a bit of challenge? Help her to understand how not to be daunted or intimidated by it, break it down, plan it and progress at a reasonable pace? I must sound like I've got it all sorted. I've a big shock when my kids hit their teens and they turn to me and tell me to do one, don't I? Sorry, I don't mean to preach, I'm sure it's hard, just trying to help, you know? hmmm..... Will put some thought into that! Funny enough, i have just bought a chair from gumtree today... It's my new project!... Was thinking of getting abby to paint it and then she can have it for her room... (She loves it!) and she's good at hands on things!!! Every morning i tell myself that i'm going to deal with it well today.... So who knows what tomorrow will bring?!! Thanks for the advice Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
realitynotincluded Posted February 26, 2014 Report Share Posted February 26, 2014 Awe you are not treating her like a dog, l think you are trying to get her to shift her ass into doing something. l am the biggest sucker when it comes to the kids... OH reckons the two we have got at home will never leave... one is 23 lol..... somehow can wangle not paying for something or other. l think if l can remember we literally had to plonk him at a college he had to attend to complete an apprenticeship as every excuse came out of his mouth why he didn't think he could go etc etc... now a fully fledged engineer... earning good money and still takes me for a ride now and then lol.... they do say kids are for life..... lol Yep, have said that!.. I remond her everyday that she will need to start paying rent!... I have also started to monitor what she keeps helping herself to from the cupboards!... I know it sounds petty but am desperately trying to teach her that if she wants luxuries and treats then she'll have to work for them!..... (Oh god, that sounds like i'm treating her like a dog!!!...i'm not, honest!!!) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
portlaunay Posted February 26, 2014 Report Share Posted February 26, 2014 hmmm..... Will put some thought into that! Funny enough, i have just bought a chair from gumtree today... It's my new project!... Was thinking of getting abby to paint it and then she can have it for her room... (She loves it!) and she's good at hands on things!!! Every morning i tell myself that i'm going to deal with it well today.... So who knows what tomorrow will bring?!! Thanks for the advice Well I have a degree in furniture design, am passionate about utilitarian and modernist design and I also know an amazing antiques restorer here who also happens to be a luthier so has an incredible skill. Okay, so it might not be what she wants but it just shows, there's always a network out there for her... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
beandownunder Posted February 26, 2014 Report Share Posted February 26, 2014 good luck Amy! xxxx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ali Posted February 26, 2014 Report Share Posted February 26, 2014 What about having a compromise - TAFE will still be there in 12 months. Tell her that you're happy for her to find a job, but give a time limit for her to find one by e.g. the length of a semester. In the meantime, whilst she is looking and not engaged in education she must contribute to the running of the house (have a list of things that will be her jobs - if there's some she doesn't want to do then she can suggest an alternative one). The deal will be that if she hasn't gained employment then she will go to TAFE. We didn't make our daughter get a job in year 11/12 due to her study, she was taking 6 TEE's and that was more important. Her first semester at Uni - the time table was all over the place and we didn't ask her to get a job. The 2nd semester things were settled and we encouraged her to get a job, and said that to continue to pay for hairdressers, cinemas etc., she would have to contribute to the running of the house. She managed to get a job in the city which she really enjoys, she funds a lot of things herself - we pay for her text books although she said yesterday that one was $200 and she wanted to go halves. Bare in mind that her in Aus, if your daughter had a full time job or apprentice - she could have left school at the end of year 10. Sometimes our children have to learn by their choices and still being at home allows them to do that relatively safely. My daughter yesterday was looking at deffering a semester and working in America at Disney .... I just said that at 19 she could officially leave home, so she didn't need my permission, but to work out how much saving she would need to do, flight, food etc., ... how much living expenses etc., I offered the alternative of doing a semester of her degree in the US .... within an hour of 'researching' herself, she'd decided she wouldn't get much out of the Disney experience lol Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lou8670 Posted March 4, 2014 Report Share Posted March 4, 2014 Just looking at the education posts and saw your dilemma! How did you get on Amy? Is she still glued to the television or has she started to realised she needs to make something of herself in Oz? My dad got my brother the worst job when he wouldn't get off his backside and although my brother was grateful for the money it was a wake up call for him....just incase you need another tactic! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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