8 months in and first wobbly moment....

[SaffanZimbo]

We have been in Oz 8 months already! Time is flying by. We hit our first wobbly moment last weekend and now a little more subdued to be honest.

 

OH has a great job and we love in a beautiful part of WA, the girls are loving their school and the Oz way of life but we are missing our UK friends, family and to be honest the easy life we had there.

 

We got a message from our neighbour in the UK (who was also our very good friend and babysitter) to let us know that one of our lovely neighbours had passed away on Thursday evening, 3 weeks after being diagnosed with liver cancer. Ed was a absolutely gem of a guy, recently retired and had for the past 5 years been visiting his mum who was her 90's every day to ensure she was OK. Sadly Ed's mum passed away on 31 May and Ed was apparently very lost without her and the cancer diagnosis a bolt from the blue.

 

We are so sad we could not be there to have helped him in his final weeks and its made us think long and hard about what we want.

 

Yes, we moved to Oz to give us as a family a better life and in most respects we have achieved just that BUT we didn't count the costs of being so far away from friends and family.

 

OH and I had a long hard talk and we've agreed we will stay here till we have Oz citizenship and only then make the decision about where our future home will be.

 

We knew it was going to be tough financially but in some respects money being tight has been a good thing - we can't afford to move back so no knee jerk reactions are possible.

 

Sorry for such a muddled post but I've found this forum is a great place to be able to vent as there are like minded members who understand.

[susanbro]

Aww bless you hun, does you good to get it off your chest to strangers. We are about to head over 3 weeks on Friday and that's the part I dread most, not being there if something bad happens to support my family. You're doing the right thing by giving it time and just keep reminding yourself why you're doing this. These feelings will pass. I had the wobbles a few years ago when I was in Aus previously, especially at xmas so I know this feeling will pass. Hugs xx

[Raychelsb]

Wow, I'm so glad you've put into words how I've been feeling. And I didn't make it eight months before a wobble! I've been here 8 months but started my wobble after 4 months! I'm finding it lonely here too, and miss our network of people back home. We are buying a house here at the moment as we too love our part of WA, but I honestly don't feel like it will be my future home. But I still don't know where that will be as I also don't want to go back to the UK! We said from the start, make it two years before ANY serious thought of going home and I'm sticking with that. My oh loves it here, everything about it, but he would go back for me. So, know that what you are feeling is so common and so normal. I wonder if in a years time I will feel completely different. I so hope so.

good luck, and keep venting if you need to!

[susanbro]

Wow, I'm so glad you've put into words how I've been feeling. And I didn't make it eight months before a wobble! I've been here 8 months but started my wobble after 4 months! I'm finding it lonely here too, and miss our network of people back home. We are buying a house here at the moment as we too love our part of WA, but I honestly don't feel like it will be my future home. But I still don't know where that will be as I also don't want to go back to the UK! We said from the start, make it two years before ANY serious thought of going home and I'm sticking with that. My oh loves it here, everything about it, but he would go back for me. So, know that what you are feeling is so common and so normal. I wonder if in a years time I will feel completely different. I so hope so.

good luck, and keep venting if you need to!

 

You don't have to go home, what about another part of Aus. We agreed that we would give it 2 years but if we didn't love Perth then we would look at other areas to live xx

[Raychelsb]

Its. It that I don't like Perth, I just miss my family and friends. And moving would mean starting up again and being completely alone. We are slowly making friends but it's a slow process, as we aren't the ones to go to meet ups or anything like that, that's just not us. I definately wouldn't try another part of Aus for various reasons - weather being a major factor. But I would try another country compelety if I was really unsettled. X

 

You don't have to go home, what about another part of Aus. We agreed that we would give it 2 years but if we didn't love Perth then we would look at other areas to live xx

[Lou8670]

I have wobbles all the time! I really miss where i used to live but if we moved back I know I would now miss here too and the wonderful friends we've made.

 

We also had a bolt from the blue in May, nearly a year after arriving, so I can completely understand how you feel. A very close friend of ours died suddenly from a massive stroke. He was only 40. I cried for days into my baking...I baked so much that week. The Internet was amazing though and we were able to send instant messages to his wife and family to let them know we were thinking of them. It was so awful but I know he would have loved to have done what we've done. The picture of my favourite place back home (which was a gift from him and his wife when we moved) now takes pride of place in our home. You have to keep going and try to make as many friends as possible as I find it helps with settling in.

 

If you ever fancy meeting for coffee let

me know. We're in Secret Harbour x

[susanbro]

Its. It that I don't like Perth, I just miss my family and friends. And moving would mean starting up again and being completely alone. We are slowly making friends but it's a slow process, as we aren't the ones to go to meet ups or anything like that, that's just not us. I definately wouldn't try another part of Aus for various reasons - weather being a major factor. But I would try another country compelety if I was really unsettled. X

 

I see you're in Mandurah, we will be heading to Secret Harbour xx

[lancslass]

I feel for you, it is everyone's fear that something dreadful will happen to a friend or family member and your thousands of miles away unable to help or give support.

It eventually broke us and a few months ago after 6 years of living in Oz we all moved back to the UK, it was the right thing to do as what we had always feared happened and we had a family member suddenly diagnosed with cancer, being here to help has really taken away that guilt we would have felt if still in Oz BUT and this is a huge BUT... by thinking of everyone else we stopped thinking about what was best for us and believe me the UK is not what is best for us anymore, there are very few opportunities here and coming back in our early 40's trying to start over with children is financial suicide.

Being here feels right for everyone else, it makes it easy for them that we are here but we are struggling to settle. There is very little work most is contract or temping with very few benefits, most of the minimum wage jobs have been replaced with apprentiships or East European workers and many people are struggling financially. Many, many towns are very deprived and the amount of poverty is beyond anything I could ever remember. Schools are just not challenging enough for my children compared to the schooling they had in Oz, they achieved so much over there and here they are bored. Sport at school is a joke, they are not even allowed to compete at sports day now! It has to all be team events, if teachers give a negative to a child they have to follow it with a positive and we have just had a letter to say they have stopped grading students and instead of As, Bs and Cs etc they are measured as above, expected and below expected age level.

The weather is far worse than I remember, but we did arrive in winter. The cold, wet dark mornings are very bleak and you forget how beautiful the blue sky is there and how healthier you feel, the beaches, the vast open parks and many free community events, the weather there allows you to have a better lifestyle and I think we had started to take it for granted.

This period of grief will pass and life will get back to normal, what Australia offers for now and the future is far more than (in my opinion) what the UK has to offer anymore, it really has and is changing beyond recognition. I know it's hard but I wished I'd forgot about my feelings for everybody else and what might happen and concentrated on our little family and their future. Sounds harsh but if you have a good life, your daughters are happy and you are enjoying Australia it could easily be very different if you came back.

EVERYBODY tells us we are crazy for coming back and at first we used to get really defensive and angry now I can see their point.

[susanbro]

I feel for you, it is everyone's fear that something dreadful will happen to a friend or family member and your thousands of miles away unable to help or give support.

It eventually broke us and a few months ago after 6 years of living in Oz we all moved back to the UK, it was the right thing to do as what we had always feared happened and we had a family member suddenly diagnosed with cancer, being here to help has really taken away that guilt we would have felt if still in Oz BUT and this is a huge BUT... by thinking of everyone else we stopped thinking about what was best for us and believe me the UK is not what is best for us anymore, there are very few opportunities here and coming back in our early 40's trying to start over with children is financial suicide.

Being here feels right for everyone else, it makes it easy for them that we are here but we are struggling to settle. There is very little work most is contract or temping with very few benefits, most of the minimum wage jobs have been replaced with apprentiships or East European workers and many people are struggling financially. Many, many towns are very deprived and the amount of poverty is beyond anything I could ever remember. Schools are just not challenging enough for my children compared to the schooling they had in Oz, they achieved so much over there and here they are bored. Sport at school is a joke, they are not even allowed to compete at sports day now! It has to all be team events, if teachers give a negative to a child they have to follow it with a positive and we have just had a letter to say they have stopped grading students and instead of As, Bs and Cs etc they are measured as above, expected and below expected age level.

The weather is far worse than I remember, but we did arrive in winter. The cold, wet dark mornings are very bleak and you forget how beautiful the blue sky is there and how healthier you feel, the beaches, the vast open parks and many free community events, the weather there allows you to have a better lifestyle and I think we had started to take it for granted.

This period of grief will pass and life will get back to normal, what Australia offers for now and the future is far more than (in my opinion) what the UK has to offer anymore, it really has and is changing beyond recognition. I know it's hard but I wished I'd forgot about my feelings for everybody else and what might happen and concentrated on our little family and their future. Sounds harsh but if you have a good life, your daughters are happy and you are enjoying Australia it could easily be very different if you came back.

EVERYBODY tells us we are crazy for coming back and at first we used to get really defensive and angry now I can see their point.

 

What an honest and heart wrenching reply. Hope everything works out and maybe one day you will see yourself and your family back in Aus xx

[Raychelsb]

A great post, thank you. I sometimes think I just maybe need to go back for a visit to put things in perspective. Your points have done that without the cost of my flight lol!

 

I feel for you, it is everyone's fear that something dreadful will happen to a friend or family member and your thousands of miles away unable to help or give support.

It eventually broke us and a few months ago after 6 years of living in Oz we all moved back to the UK, it was the right thing to do as what we had always feared happened and we had a family member suddenly diagnosed with cancer, being here to help has really taken away that guilt we would have felt if still in Oz BUT and this is a huge BUT... by thinking of everyone else we stopped thinking about what was best for us and believe me the UK is not what is best for us anymore, there are very few opportunities here and coming back in our early 40's trying to start over with children is financial suicide.

Being here feels right for everyone else, it makes it easy for them that we are here but we are struggling to settle. There is very little work most is contract or temping with very few benefits, most of the minimum wage jobs have been replaced with apprentiships or East European workers and many people are struggling financially. Many, many towns are very deprived and the amount of poverty is beyond anything I could ever remember. Schools are just not challenging enough for my children compared to the schooling they had in Oz, they achieved so much over there and here they are bored. Sport at school is a joke, they are not even allowed to compete at sports day now! It has to all be team events, if teachers give a negative to a child they have to follow it with a positive and we have just had a letter to say they have stopped grading students and instead of As, Bs and Cs etc they are measured as above, expected and below expected age level.

The weather is far worse than I remember, but we did arrive in winter. The cold, wet dark mornings are very bleak and you forget how beautiful the blue sky is there and how healthier you feel, the beaches, the vast open parks and many free community events, the weather there allows you to have a better lifestyle and I think we had started to take it for granted.

This period of grief will pass and life will get back to normal, what Australia offers for now and the future is far more than (in my opinion) what the UK has to offer anymore, it really has and is changing beyond recognition. I know it's hard but I wished I'd forgot about my feelings for everybody else and what might happen and concentrated on our little family and their future. Sounds harsh but if you have a good life, your daughters are happy and you are enjoying Australia it could easily be very different if you came back.

EVERYBODY tells us we are crazy for coming back and at first we used to get really defensive and angry now I can see their point.

[ali]

We arrived in our early 40's and making friends isn't easy when your children don't have play dates or want to be dropped off at school because they're too old. If you look back on the close friendships you had in the UK - they developed over time and that has also been true for us here, however, the friends we have now have become a little like family, they're there to lend a hand - deliver food us when I came out of hospital, taking my son to training when my hubby broke his leg.

 

My only concern about giving a time to consider e.g. get citizenship then decide - is that that's 3 years away for the OP - that's a long time to live in limbo and may stop you really embracing things, giving yourself to friendships fully (as you might always be thinking it's temporary).

[Laz]

I think it must take a long time to feel like you belong here, and that this is home. Perth is where I grew up but after 10+ years away I'm now missing the friends I made in the UK and the easy life we also had there. I am having to start afresh making friends (well, day to day friends) and in the current school holidays I realised I heard from just one person. (I was busy moving house or I'd have made an effort to be social.) Everyone I meet is friendly but no one thinks to invite the new person along to anything other than a group/school function. I miss my coffee catch ups with other school mums I had in the UK, and just seeing friends on a daily basis.... Anyway, grass is always greener and there's big positives to living here which far outweigh the negatives for us. One more thing - I think I am missing my old life more at the moment because all my UK friends are on holiday in Spain, France, Italy.... I sooooooooooooooo miss our summer holiday.

[rpakey]

Thought I would reply to this as I am still in the UK, working on the visa and (hopefully) coming over soon

I remember the last time I moved within the UK, it was never to stay for long, and its now been 10 YEARS!!!

The grass is always greener of course, but we have found ourselves in a situation where friends and family have their health challenges and its made me realise that life is all too short, and for me at least, I wanted to make sure that my life experience included a stint in Oz, regardless of whether it was successfull or not

I am quite lucky in some respect that I only have my Nan as my family member, my OH does have an extended family but they are very supporting of our move

So, for those of you with the wobbles, I guess its to be expected, this is part and parcel of such a huge event in life, but stick with it for the moment, this is your greatest opportunity and maybe at another moment in life, you wont get the opportunity to experience such things...

[7cdb]

Well hello again PP's

 

last time one I was on here. We were just returning from our 2nd "reccie" trip to WA and I was being slightly unfair to some parts of the Aus culture. Most things in my mind do stand but hey ho.

 

 

A little background: I run a small AC and refrigeration company and along with the wife and our little boy we decided to holiday to Perth and maybe look at emigrating.

 

First visit,we stayed in Hillarys for 3 weeks and absolutely fell in love with the place,the scenery the people the lifestyle and came back to the UK with a real desire to upsticks and move 9000 miles.

 

We set things in motion,sold our house and put the money in the bank ready for moving,sorted skills assessment for my trade and done my IELTS twice to get where I needed to be. Worked out where we wanted to live and stayed in rented,with the plan to sell the business and take another years dividends from it to help with all the finances etc.

 

We decided to get married in November last year on our boys second birthday and to treat ourselves as a honeymoon/fact finding mission back in WA. This time we stayed in Mandurah so we could have a good luck around SOR to compare house prices and living costs etc. We flew business class as a treat and again loved it.

 

Then the doubts started to set in.......we have a great life in the UK,we are happy here,have loads of great friends and family. Along with a good business allowing my partner to not have to work. We drive nice cars,have great holidays anywhere we want go to in the world.

 

I have worked very hard for the last 10 years to build my life,business and most importantly family. Did we really want to give all this up !?!? Spend a fortune on getting over to Aus to have to start again.....we would be buying a poorly constructed house along with a thousand others on some estate near the ocean. Great whilst you are working. My partner would have to return to work,I would have to start some 20 years behind where I was......and we would always be immigrants!

 

But,we loved the sunshine,the picture of us having a BBQ on the beach all alone will always be one of our most treasured. But,we were alone,very alone. Great as 40 degrees is for a few weeks holiday. Could I cope with it all the time or spend time indoors avoiding it?

 

Anyways,fast forward 7 months or so. We now live in a beautiful house,we have green fields behind us,loads of room for the little one and the dog to play safely. We have never locked a door,let alone a car. We have a great circle of friends around us and have so far had a lovely summer with friends and family. BBQ's even!

 

Do we miss Aus? yeh sometimes. Do we regret not making the move ? Not a chance. Sorry folks,really glad we had the experience but life's too good for us here and there are many many places we want to do and see before we get financially tied down and stuck somewhere.

 

 

This post is just another point, not to some an agreeable one. But,for us we are happy we stayed

 

 

good luck

Edited July 23, 2015 by 7cdb

[odies]

great read 7cdb, and lots points .

[ali]

Well hello again PP's

 

last time one I was on here. We were just returning from our 2nd "reccie" trip to WA and I was being slightly unfair to some parts of the Aus culture. Most things in my mind do stand but hey ho.

 

 

A little background: I run a small AC and refrigeration company and along with the wife and our little boy we decided to holiday to Perth and maybe look at emigrating.

 

First visit,we stayed in Hillarys for 3 weeks and absolutely fell in love with the place,the scenery the people the lifestyle and came back to the UK with a real desire to upsticks and move 9000 miles.

 

We set things in motion,sold our house and put the money in the bank ready for moving,sorted skills assessment for my trade and done my IELTS twice to get where I needed to be. Worked out where we wanted to live and stayed in rented,with the plan to sell the business and take another years dividends from it to help with all the finances etc.

 

We decided to get married in November last year on our boys second birthday and to treat ourselves as a honeymoon/fact finding mission back in WA. This time we stayed in Mandurah so we could have a good luck around SOR to compare house prices and living costs etc. We flew business class as a treat and again loved it.

 

Then the doubts started to set in.......we have a great life in the UK,we are happy here,have loads of great friends and family. Along with a good business allowing my partner to not have to work. We drive nice cars,have great holidays anywhere we want go to in the world.

 

I have worked very hard for the last 10 years to build my life,business and most importantly family. Did we really want to give all this up !?!? Spend a fortune on getting over to Aus to have to start again.....we would be buying a poorly constructed house along with a thousand others on some estate near the ocean. Great whilst you are working. My partner would have to return to work,I would have to start some 20 years behind where I was......and we would always be immigrants!

 

But,we loved the sunshine,the picture of us having a BBQ on the beach all alone will always be one of our most treasured. But,we were alone,very alone. Great as 40 degrees is for a few weeks holiday. Could I cope with it all the time or spend time indoors avoiding it?

 

Anyways,fast forward 7 months or so. We now live in a beautiful house,we have green fields behind us,loads of room for the little one and the dog to play safely. We have never locked a door,let alone a car. We have a great circle of friends around us and have so far had a lovely summer with friends and family. BBQ's even!

 

Do we miss Aus? yeh sometimes. Do we regret not making the move ? Not a chance. Sorry folks,really glad we had the experience but life's too good for us here and there are many many places we want to do and see before we get financially tied down and stuck somewhere.

 

 

This post is just another point, not to some an agreeable one. But,for us we are happy we stayed

 

 

good luck

 

Good to hear that you're doing well and happy with your decision to stay in the UK

[DreamTripper]

Whenever I get wistful about the UK and missing family and friends (we left a lot of people behind) I give myself a reality check. I remember how we could go months without seeing friends, becasue everyone has a life, work, commitments, just like here. I remember people not making an effort because they don't have to, you're not going anywhere, it's only when you leave they miss you and wish they'd seen you more often, done more fun stuff. I remember that family, wonderful as they are, were also sometimes a source of great stress. Wanting us to fit in with them, minor family squabbles, being expected to organise everything.

Then I think about living here, life is the same in terms of the day to day, but I have my best mate right here, I have friends who I see as often as I saw my friends in England, I have some family here, I have yearly visitors and we have a wonderful time when they come here to see us. We can go back now and then, have done and it's great but it is not reality. The gloss wears off after a while and you see it for what it is, the reasons you moved in the first place.

The times when people are sick and in need makes us feel useless and devastated. Normal to feel it's our job to go back. We all must do whatever feels right but if it happened to us I'd make sure we kept a 'life' here and a house etc. You never know when you will change your mind. Australia offers more for the nuclear family to me, but some people need more than the nuclear family.