Love story with one problem. Advice needed please!

[Guest Anna-88]

Hi,

 

I love my boyfriend and I love travelling. This is an issue.

 

My name is Anna and Im 24. I came over to Australia on a working holiday visa and am currently on my 2nd year. My biggest passion is travelling. After graduating from Uni I travelled to Thailand and ended up going all around South East Asia. It was the best year of my life and from then on I'd decided thats what I wanted to do. I've caught the travel bug BAD. I want to travel everywhere. The list of places I want to go just gets longer, and I want to do as much as I can while Im young before I settle down.

So my next stop was Australia. I had no plans to stay here forever, just 2 years and then I would move on to my next destination!

 

However. I met an Aussie guy. I've met guys before, but Ive always moved on because for me travelling comes first. I've always said only when I meet my husband will I stop and settle down...he might live in Germany, he might live in Brazil..who knows where I'll end up living? I never properly thought about it. But realistically I thought that wouldnt happen til I was about 30 and I'd be happy to settle down, however it has happened now when I'm 24 and havent done half the travelling I want to yet! I hae this worry that time is running out and I wont have time to do everything I want. I know I have plenty of time; the rest of my life, but once life gets into a routine and you have responsibilites it's much harder.

 

It was just an instant attraction and within a week I could already see us getting married and having babies. This has NEVER happened to me before. Crazy in love and so happy, 2 months later I have now moved in with my boyfriend into a house in Perth. We have talked about defacto and are going to see how the next year goes and apply for a relationship visa. It's all moved so quickly but it's just felt right. It's so nice to have our own place rather than living in hostels which is what Im used to, but at the same time I miss it.

 

I miss having tons of friends, I miss drinking all the time, I miss the fun and banter. I feel like Ive suddenly grown up and am now some kind of housewife. Dont get me wrong I enjoy cooking and cleaning and being homely and all the rest of it, but I just feel like Im missing out. All of his family and friends are here and I feel a little lonely sometimes. I have a few friends, but it's not the same as being at home. In a hostel the people you meet kind of become your family. Also my boyfriend works in the mines so one week he is home and one week he is away and I am living alone. I work with all old people at my job, but I am trying to get out more and go to the gym etc to keep busy and meet people etc.

 

I can't imagine leaving him, but recently I have just been feeling depressed over the fact that Im just living here and I want to be travelling. I want to travel with him but he has too many ties/ responsibilies here: dogs, job, lots of stuff! I'm not used to it, the only possessions I have will fit in a backpack, I have no car, no house, no pets, I can move whereever I like whenever I like and thats how I am enjoying living. It's fun and adventurous. He says he wants to travel on holidays which is great, but its not the same as having the freedom to be like...ok I'm living in Sydney for 6 months, and now I'm going to live in Darwin for 3 months...etc. Plus he has to accumulate holidays from work before we can even think about that. I feel like Im getting impatient. I know I should just work hard and save money in Perth for the next year or so and then I would have some money for holidays, but something is just niggling away at me and I cant shift this feeling of unease. It makes me feel sick to be away from him, but I need to get my travelling done and out of my system. Also, the terms of defacto are another stress, to qualify you have to live with each other for 12 months. It's just another complication. It's putting another strain on the relationship that doesnt need to be there.

 

So basically....what should I do?! If I went travelling I would always come back to him but then how long could I go for? I know he would wait for me, but things would be difficult. Could I be away from him for so long? I am going home for Christmas for 6 weeks so I guess this will be the test. I dont have enough money to be going anywhere right now so I need to stop and save anyway.

 

I'm sorry for waffling but my head is a mess and any help/ advice would be very much appreciated!

Thank you fellow Poms in Perth!

[glenvin]

Hi Anna-88

I have never had to deal with something like this as my now husband was a travel nut like me so we always went together but it did happen to my friend so I can only tell you what she did. Years ago in the UK my friend met someone who she could see spending the rest of her life with and he felt the same. He had travelled quite a bit but there was still a lot of places he needed to get out of his system before he felt ready to settle. My friend at the time could not go with him due to illness in the family but she didn't want to hold him back. They had been together for 6 months when they came to the decision he need to go and do this adventure and she would wait for him. It was by no means an easy choice as he would be away for nearly a year but she felt that if he didn't do it there would always be that "what if" in his mind. Well to cut a long story short he went and came back and 25 years later and 2 children they are still very much in love. I am a great believer in if it's meant to be then it will work out. Go on your travels and if you are made for each other then he will wait for you and you will want to return. As an added note my friend and her husband travelled the world together before having children and even lived in Aus for a few years so don't think coming back to him will put a stop to your adventures. Good luck in what-ever you decide

[jackboots]

Hi , and welcome to PP .

What work do you do ? can you not get a job on the mines and earn more money .. sort of a compomise for a while .. at least you will get out and if you could get on the same site you would be with your partner ? would he ever travel with you or save and take a year out and work and travel together ? .. good luck with your choices

[verystormy]

Hi , and welcome to PP .

What work do you do ? can you not get a job on the mines and earn more money .. sort of a compomise for a while .. at least you will get out and if you could get on the same site you would be with your partner ? would he ever travel with you or save and take a year out and work and travel together ? .. good luck with your choices

 

Dont want to disapoint you, but there are lots of highly qualified and experienced miners who are looking for work at the moment. There have been a couple of thousand people made redundant recently and companies are not hiring. It was never easy for people without a trade / proffession / mine specific skill to get in. Now its almost impossible.

[verystormy]

I think you should go travelling. If its meant to be its meant to be when you come back. Otherwise you will end up resenting him for holding you back and that woulnt be good for the relationship

[jackboots]

Dont want to disapoint you, but there are lots of highly qualified and experienced miners who are looking for work at the moment. There have been a couple of thousand people made redundant recently and companies are not hiring. It was never easy for people without a trade / proffession / mine specific skill to get in. Now its almost impossible.

 

 

I know , i was thinking the catering/admin or cleaning side of things

[elfie]

Me personally I think only you can decide what you do with the rest of your life. Look deep into your heart and see where it pulls you the most if it pulls more one way than the other then that is where you should go or you may have regrets further down the line. It is your life and your decision on which path you decide to take.

good luck and I always say all thing happen for a reason

[awildsmith]

Me personally I think only you can decide what you do with the rest of your life. Look deep into your heart and see where it pulls you the most if it pulls more one way than the other then that is where you should go or you may have regrets further down the line. It is your life and your decision on which path you decide to take.

good luck and I always say all thing happen for a reason

 

I agree totally with what was just said. Give your self some space and re-examine!! If you have doubts about your ability to settle in a relationship right now and the responsiblitlites, then I would say that you have probably answered the question yourself. Sometimes life does take you in a different direction from where you imagined that you would be but but when it is truly right I believe that you will know! Use the time back at home over Xmas to look at things closely and talk it over with those loved ones around you. Take care

[Guest Anna-88]

Thank you so much everyone for your comments. They are really very much appreciated.

 

Glenvin I like that story That gives me hope!

 

We have talked about trying to get me a job either in admin/ catering at his minesite. It's easier to get in if you know someone, but there are still lots of people wanting those jobs and with more qualifications! So we will try and work at that when I'm back in January. If not, then never mind, but if I did get a job, it would mean I wouldnt have to be away from him 50% of the time, and I could also save money more quickly for travel! On my working holiday visa I can only work for 6months at any one job anyway.

 

I think I know in my heart or hearts that I need to do it. I would certainly resent my boyfriend if anything were to happen and we didnt work out and I had wasted all those years and not gone, or even if we did stay together forever but didnt travel I would just be depressed. He is very keen to travel but it's just hard for him. We have lived different lives up until now. He took a trip with me to Darwin and Alice Springs (my attempt at trying to turn him into a backpacker ) and he loved it, but that was a 2 week holiday from work. I'm thinking perhaps he could do part of a trip with me and I could finish it off on my own as I would have more time. He has also said if I want to go away for 6 months or something he would let me go and support me and we would stay in touch etc.

 

All in all I've realised I am panicking and I dont need to make a decision immediately. We are only in the very early days of our relationship (together 4 months now) and I need to relax and go with the flow and see how I feel in a few more months time. I feel like Im being over dramatic and me worrying about this means not necessarily arguing, but just discussing uncomfortable subjects and not enjoying each others company as we should be with no worries.

 

Just a couple of final questions if anyone could help me? I know with the defacto visa you have to live with each other for 12 months. Say for example if I lived with him for 6 months now, and then 6 months on a tourist visa like a year later....would that be acceptable? it wouldnt be particularly ideal as I wouldnt be able to work and earn money on the tourist visa. Also...say for example I lived with him for 12months applied, and then went off travelling and came back...how would that be seen? Do the Australian Gov check on couples after they have been granted defacto to ensure they havent done it just for the visa and that they are a genuine couple? It would seem strange for me to go away and leave him for a period of time but it would still be the truth!? Thank you!!!